Insanity versus Routine. “Patience Rachel, it’s gonna take time. Nothing happens overnight.” The issue I am facing now is my need for instant results or gratification. Starting and trying a bunch of things. But not following through. Am I jumping the gun on things? Not giving it time to pan out?
When is it time to go back to the drawing board? Making adjustments, as I learn to organize my time. Finding a perfect routine. Instead of finally getting into the groove of the first draft. We are creatures of habit. I know I don’t exactly take to new program well. I’m just getting out of a 20 year insanity. “Doing the same thing over & over. Expecting different results.” I’m kinda wanting my next routine to be a fantastic one. That way I don’t have the issue of wanting different results. I’d be perfectly happy in my insanity
I’m totally open to new ideas. Keeping them around? Not so much. (like men.) However, if by chance an idea penetrates my thick skull and sticks. I most likely will have to tweak it a little.
I do believe in a strong foundation of morals and values. However, I also believe that we need to evolve with the changing times and culture. I think that’s what makes Free Will beautiful. And why God blessed us with it. Unlike any other creatures, humans continually progress. And have made so many advances with our way of life.. technology, science, etc.
Free will is the core of creativity. After all every idea started off crazy. Considered “going against the grain.” Before it was accepted as regular or normal. (ie. Women voting, cell phones, rap music, you get the point.)

I need to ask myself, Am I putting off the inevitable? Not completely cured of Rachel’s insanity? Am I holding on to things? Making excuses. Justifying. Finding reasons to keep them around.
DRUGS. In the Bible, drinking alcohol is only sinful, when you get drunk. Everything in moderation. It’s okay to have wine with your dinner. Or few beers on the weekend with friends. As long as you don’t get too fucked up. (Then go driving.) Alcohol is legal. Marijuana almost the same. Both were illegal at one point. (Until they could find a way to tax you on it.)
Speed versus prescription drugs. Both are manufacture in factories. Both very addictive. Because one is prescribed to me. That what? Makes it legal? So instead of me giving my money to the neighborhood drug dealer. I’m forced to buy my drugs from pharmaceutical companies. If I use illegal drugs responsibly? From the comforts of my home. And in moderation. Not getting blown out of my mind and unfunctional.  Or to correct a chemical imbalance. Like, I don’t know caffeine to get out of bed. Or antidepressants like Prozac.
Both are also very difficult to get off of. And your body becomes dependent on it. Like Gabapentin. In order to get off of that, I have to slowly lower my dosage. Because stopping cold turkey might get me to fall into a deep depression. And sometimes suicidal. Hell some people are taking antidepressants for the rest of their lives. Most of the new prescription drugs, we don’t even know the effects they have on our body. Meth however has been around since Hitler. Getting off meth I know. Plan to sleep for a long time. Unmotivated. All I’m saying is what makes one chemical drug okay and the other not? If done in moderate doses or as prescribed. Not irresponsibly shit-faced.
I’m also on the fence with Purrvin. What’s a few fucks for money every now and then? I’m not doing it full-time. Or quitting my job. I’m horny. Why not have a couple of perv friends? That want to help me out with rent? If I’m not in a committed relationship. And I have a couple of guys that I have fun with. I don’t really have time to go out and socialize. And maybe neither do they.  Consenting friends and adults. Done responsibly?
And if I’m really being honest. I’m only where I’m at in life, as a result of a fantastic connection. And bond with a perv friend. The purrv relationship is one of the most honest relationships I’ve ever been in. Up front. Convenient. Everyone knows what’s expected of them.
A guy goes to a bar spends $200. Getting a girl drunk. Or better yet a guy takes a girl out on a date. Buys flowers. Nice restaurant. Drinks. Costing him well over $200. Hoping he’ll get laid at the end of the night. No guarantee she puts out. Scenario A. She gets sloppy drunk falls asleep on you. Scenario B. She wants to take it slow or ditches you to go hang out with girlfriends. What ever the excuse, dudes out the money. Ends up rubbing one out himself. Or has the case of the blue balls.
Let’s save time and stress. I’m a sure thing. Give me the cash so I can pay my rent and spend it how I want.  I was horny anyway. Both parties walk away happy.
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